cold war's aftereffect? numb

Salam,

First and foremost, I would like to apologize for my long absence from this blog. I’ve not updated since the start of the first semester, only if you realize of course. Things has been really busy for me (and for you guys too I believe)and for me, rather than spending my free time updating my blog, I'd rather fill it with activities that allow me to mature, socialize and experience lots of thing physically with my friends. As some of you know or maybe you don't, xkuaseknah is dead. Literally for the blog and technically for its people.
I never thought that I will post this, but things need to be said and undone things need to be done.

and I am trying very hard thinking on how to say things subtly, as using a very intimidate kind of approaching towards reader and curses are not my style, yet at the same time project what I have been wanting to say.

Everybody change. As simple as that. But there are some who didn't. These two sentences contrast which each other I know. But that is the reality. Everything is not objective especially when we are dealing with human. A good friend that you created bond with might not stay with you all along the way. Like me. I am no longer as close to you, Hanis, Huda, Fae and Mimi, even though we rocked classes together.
I know and you girls knew it too that we are falling apart. Why? Well, the answer lies on the moment that we treat and think and see small things that used to be normal, and okay turned to be the greatest annoyance of all. A joke that created explosive laughter between us suddenly no longer funny. It unexpectedly becomes the seed of hateful.

Sticking close to each other is good. But it is a disaster when a person or more gives black energy to the rest. And it is also a bad culture when we still stuck up with the same thing all over again, for the past 2 years. The same old jokes, the same old problems and the same old thinking and the same old friends.

We all know about the "silent war" or "cold war" or whatever between you peeps. You guys have met up, talked about it, told your true feelings and cried. But seriously, no matter how much you pees being honest on that night, no matter how many liter of tears you let go, the pain still remain in your heart. Things will never be the same again. I am not being pessimistic here but being realistic.

Girls, things will never be the same again. it is too strange to act nothing happen. Because the passion went numb.

Once you were betrayed or treated bad, trust collapsed. And to build it back like the way it was before is complete impossible.

I chose to change mahallah. Honestly writing, I ran and you guys knew it too. I ran away from the person that I sometimes feel close with and sometimes hate. And definitely uncomfortable in most of the time. I ran away from our routine. I ran away from problems that I foresee. And I ran away because I want too. I need a change. Mentally and environmentally. I made the first step, and I never looked back. I am proud for what I chose and I am grateful. It was and still a wise decision. I am happy and I am no longer as moody and hot-tempered as I used to be. I am still as sensitive as before, but my sensitivity now I believe is well control. and importantly I stop straining my brain on questions like" what did I do wrong?” this question that i had, that i created, now i have the answer. And of course I came up with it. The answer is very simple. I didn't do anything wrong.

Is that true? Well, it is true for me. My ground is that I believe in myself. I seriously know me wont and never being able to treat people badly, intentionally. As all my bad that ye may see in me are complete ignorance and definitely unintentionally.

If you find my answer and reasoning is wrong, just leave it because I am a “bird” and i am busy flying and singing and I just don’t care.

Holliday

Adventurous journey and camping at Gua Tempurung or fun moments with full facilities at Genting Highland?

just "O"

Out of stock! O my bag.

The washing machine and the dryer were broke. O my laundry!

I can't take Hangul class. O my hectic schedule!

I have to submit reports and do homework for ALC every week! O my God!

I lose my appetite. O? hohohoho....

Please help me!

I am a girl who is not easily fall in love at first sight.
but I do now...and I don't know which one to choose!


(1) When I first found this bag, me and my sis quickly said, "Aku suka beg ni!" x ordr lagi tapi dah berebut macam apa ntah. I love it. Price RM38


(2) I love this one too! especially the colour and look at that little pocket. attractive. The price is RM 44!


(3) I first saw this bag on Wanie's shoulder. I fell in love with it and I can't stop myself from admiring it eversince. Again, I love the colour and its design. siap tanya beli kat mana lagi tau~ and the price is shocking RM38!.


(4) This bag is the biggest of 'em all and has the most simple design.I can stuff all my things in one go and it can cover up my extra fat. Price RM 42.

Some of you might know that I don't really have this feminine kind of bag because I don’t think it suits me. And I know I was wrong. Seriously, how can a bag doesn't suit someone. Unless a guy wearing girls bag, with all-those-furs and mirror, then yeah. It is easier to buy 'em all, only if I have lots of saving.

what is Friendship?

A Friend ....

Accepts you as you are
Believes in you
Calls you just to say ~Hi~
Doesn't give up on you
Envisions the whole of you
Forgives your mistakes
Gives unconditionally
Helps you
Invites you over
Just because
Keeps you close at heart
Loves you for who you are
Makes a difference in your life
Never judges
0ffers support
Picks you up
Quiets your fears
Raises your spirits
Says nice things about you
Tells you the truth when you need to hear it
Understands you
Values you
Walks beside you
Xxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Yells when you won't listen and
Zaps you back to reality

anonymous

I deadly want a friend like this, but the main question is am I one like that?
I seriously need to change myself, my character actually, as a friend of my peeps.
I know sometimes I made them angry, mad and annoyed with my attitude. I didn't mean it though sometimes I wished I do. Sometimes, I talked behind their back, because I know they talked behind me too. I feel good when I do that because now they feel the way that I do, but I also know and I too feel the way that they feel, after the sweet little revenge; I feel bitter and not better.

I want to be better because my dear friends deserve it, as well as myself.
I want to start remember their full name as well as their birthday which I am not good at. I want to know even little, what they love and what they hate.
I want to appreciate them, for their existence in my life, as they give me happiness. Though some gives me sadness, they actually gave me lessons too.

I also want to try my best to find my old acquaintances back on my school era. It is a pity and a waste to have a lot of friends but do not keep in contact with them.

I hope that my friends too, has the same understanding with me, and together we fulfill all A to Z of FRIENDSHIP.

i am happy

chongmal haengbok...I finished my final exam on 24th June but only got home yesterday on 28. I packed my things and my computers with the help from my roommates and Fadz. I am really grateful they were there to help me.

Now, the reason why I am so happy is that I am finally inside my home. It has been a while since my last visit and I miss my mom terribly. I bought her Big Apple and my Dad just love it. I think I will buy Big Apple every time I come back home. (If I have some money left)

For three days, Nisa, a boy (which I should not tell whom) and me stayed in Yaya's home. We had BBQ party and Hanis was there too! We had beautiful memories and pictures. Fadz and Aimi were supposed to join us but they both have their own agenda with their families. Yaya picked us up at UIA and we went straight to Putrajaya's pasar malam. We met her abah there and bought some food. We didn't do much activity on the first stay there. We just went out ambil angin malam and ate ice-creams and taking pictures. That very night, I, Nisa and Yaya were supposed to berjoyah, and while we do that, I fall asleep. hahaha...They talked till 2 in the morning and as I was sleeping at the middle, they woke me up and shoo me to change place with Nisa. And I was the last person to wake up. The next day, we went to Alamanda with Afiq, Yaya's cute and manja little brother. we watched movie together. Me and Nisa chose 'Drag me to hell' and Yaya with her two brothers watched 'Transformers'. 'Drag me to hell' leave me with anger. gila geram ngan nenek tua tu. jahat gila. There are lots of disgusting events and shocking too! But the ending is really sad. And before the film started, there were a couple doing their own movie. After the movie end, I bought a pair of jeans. I don't have enough money to splurge but it was an exceptional case. I wet my jeans that I was wearing! No! Not with urine but water. Thanks to bidet on Alamanda's rest room. Seriously, why can't they use normal hose? It is not easy to squat wearing jeans and adjusting you butt at the same time to clean stuff. I tried my best to cover my butt with my bag and Nisa' body. That night, on the second day of our stay, we had BBQ. Me ate Nasi Daging 2 times with 1 chicken wing and hotdog. That was the first round menu. I ate for the second round with hanis. When I thought I was full, Yaya's cousin brought cupcakes! And I ate sausages and chicken again.
On the third day, we went to Hanis place and ate Soto. Hanis bangun seawal pagi untuk menguruskan kentang. Btw hanis, kentang ko mmg sedap! Soto joint venture Kak Tuti and Hanis' Mother is soooo delicious. I don't remember berapa kali tambah. I ate some, answered nature calls and ate again. Boleh bukak kedai Soto la. Besides eating, we also berjoyah. But our joyah was cut short as we have to go to Taman Wetland to fetch Yaya's brother. And went to Alamanda again! I bought Big Apple for my family and we ate at Secret Recipe.

For two days straight we went out at night jalan2 and taking pictures and eating ice-creams. We went to Masjid, jambatan and all. Sounds like it was my first time there but actually I have been to Putrajaya a couple of times spending my days at Hanis place. We had girl’s night out, the plan of meeting DBSK at the airport and stuff. What a memory.

I didn't tell Yaya but this party for my opinion brings me closer to her. We were close during matriculation days together with Nisa. We went to class together, had our meals together and talked, smiled, laughed non-stop but time went by. We were apart for awhile. we had our own friends and our own way. I am happy that we are together in this, like we used to be on Matriculation days. And I hope that since Hanis and Yaya already knew each other's house, and they are both my good friends, please don't berjoyah about me ye...hahahah....

Tag!

1) Bekas kekasih saya adalah
* Minho..tapi saya akan sentiasa memerhati dan menjaga dia dari jauh...

2) Saya sedang mendengar
* suara anak menakan saya...

3) Mungkin saya patut
* buat report saya cepat2 dari buat tag ni...hehehe...kena submit today tapi xde mood nak wat la.

4) Saya suka
* kaum Adam yang berbangsa Korea dan menyanyi dlm group (n_n) , jalan2 dan makan.

5) Sahabat-sahabat saya
* ada banyak. dari Subang,Ipoh,Jitra,Sg. Petani dan UIA, tapi hampir 92% lost contact. hahahaha...macam mana ni~

6) Saya tak faham
* kenapa orang selalu kata saya sombong. saya sbenarnya seorang yang peramah, kelakar dan baik hati.

7) Saya kehilangan
* telefon kesayangan saya. huhu~sedihnya...

8) Ramai yang berkata
* saya ni sombong. Saya sebenarnya seorang yang peramah, lawak, manis dan baik.

9) Cinta itu adalah
* permulaan bagi kejujuran dan kadang kala pembohongan dimana toleransi dan komunikasi adalah penting. definisi saya terlalu teknikal kerana saya tidak dilamun cinta lagi. harap sila memahami.hehe~

10) Disuatu tempat, seorang sedang...
* menunggu saya submit report.

11) Saya akan cuba
* kurangkan berat badan dengan bersenam dan berenang...Hanis~jgn lupa ajar aku brenang ye!

12) Ayat selamanya membawa maksud...
* apa ni...saya x paham.

13) Telefon bimbit saya
* adalah W80i berwarna putih kepunyaan abang saya.

14) Bila saya terjaga
* terus saya ikat rambut dan kemas katil.

15) Saya paling meluat
* orang yang tak menepati masa.
* tengah saya semangat nak berchit-chat atau download videos yang lagi 10 saat nak siap, internet ada probs. hei, geram betul!
* tumbuh jerawat baru. sama macam mama n Hanis! besala, hawa.
* orang yang mengutuk saya bila ada kawan. bila kawan dia xde, terkedek2 datang cari saya.

16) Haiwan paling comel yang pernah saya temui
* anak kucing! dulu, saya ada kucing jantan nama Mei. selepas itu, ada anak kucing datang rumah saya. saya bagi nama dia Mei Mei. tapi, Mei rogol Mei Mei, Mei Mei pun mengandung. anak2 Mei Mei seekor je hidup. Saya pun jaga. Dia hidup sehari je, tapi saya sempat bagi nama, iaitu Anak Mei Mei. Mei dan Mei Mei saya tinggalkan di Sg. Petani sebab depa xnak naik keta ikut pindah. sedihnya~

17) Malam ini saya akan
* download videos dan musik dan ym.

18) Ketika anda melihat cermin pada hari ini
* kulit dah makin kusam. xpakai produk katakan.

19) Saya betul-betul inginkan
* Jung Yunho. lelaki idamanku. saya boleh bayangkan betapa bagusnya dia sebagai seorang bapa...

20) Siapa yang anda ingin tag
* sesiapa pun xpe.

For those who have a blog or two and have time to read

There is that high school stuff, MySpace to Friendster then Blog and Facebook. Actually, I don’t know the chronology. I used to have an account for MySpace and Friendster. If you typed my name, you will see a nearly 2 years of unlogged in account of MySpace and a Friendster under my real name but Nanny Fran’s picture with less than 2 friends. I put Nanny Fran’s picture because I love that show especially that funny and full of sarcastic butler. Hehehe… I forgot his name actually and both e-mail together with passwords to log in. Alhamdulillah, I remember my now e-mail which is the fourth account I have created so far though sometimes I confused my YouTube and blog password.

Here in this blog I choose to touch on various topics that interest me cause if not, why should I write and even post it, rite? I wrote about Kpop world, general stuff and me with friends stuff. I choose to write it in a positive way, as best as I could, and I hope best to those who read, with exceptional for Minho’s new nose. This is because, a blog which has its own class, a freedom of opinion with no limitation and bare-naked to public’s eyes and face is a no-no for 4D, ‘Drop Dead Dumb and Disgusting’ post that can call for death. Brutal huh.

A blog though we may call it MY BLOG, is sadly not ours only. Our family, friends, race, country and religion has their own shares. Our blog can tell a story, which we ourselves write. It is just like a novel or a short story. A story though it does not tell the real life events of the writer, in most cases, it reflects what the author believes in and eventually people will link it with their parents, environment, and most extreme, religion. Just like what we had learnt in Novel and Short Story class. It may reflect the author’s behavior, feelings and mind through the way it is presented and the choice of words. If we keep on blogging about our hatred, our prejudice and stuff like that, are we leaving readers with a good impression? Definitely not, unless we serve our friends and anonymous readers from around the globe with intelligent, wise and just good posts.

But that doesn’t mean that we HAVE to blog on knowledgeable, good from its seed till its fruit and stuff like that, just control. A continuous good stuff is awesome, continuous happy events and a little sad news is good, continuous good mix bored stuff is fine but a continuous bad stuff is a disaster. A web disaster. Yes, it is as simple as that. Sometimes, we just have to, we need to, pour our anger or disgust as we are at the peak of patience, we are on the verge of screaming till our throat hoarse in public place, or our mind is at the second of explosion but seriously, control.

If we can control our anger starting after the event that made us pissed off and go back home and membebel kat mak ada orang cari pasal, sleep and eat or pray to God asking some patience and made our Iman stronger, then you remember you have a place to pour out all your anger, so you rock the laptop or computer, connecting the internet, log in to Blog.com, write an emotional essay, and delete, and write again, put “you scumbag of the earth”, or more samseng and ganas b*** dan seangkatan dengannya, and delete it again, thinking it is too harsh, thus replace with another ‘b’ word in English or “go to hell”, as English is subtle than Malay, followed with ABC Spelling & Grammar and click send; we definitely have time to think about our action and its consequences. Importantly, if the topic deals with other people’s life. All of us know that a post in a blog can show us the way to court and even jail and might be in worst case scenario, ISA. I read from a newspaper about a blogger charged with fitnah and was brought to court. A blog can be a platform of truth and reality but it also can be a plantation of lies and fitnah. And if some readers accept lies as truth, and spread to others, a life is affected, justice is disturbed thus trust collapsed.

For me, rather than updating my own blog, I enjoy reading others, I have the thought of deleting my account twice btw. Updating blog is like homework for me. I don’t really enjoy homework though it is for my own benefit. I love reading people’s little world as I love to read on things that I never come cross with. I read from friends to a complete stranger to an extreme anonymous till an extreme famous-glamour-happening-gossip-ME blogs. It is also because of my belief that everyone and each of us has some knowledge or experiences or opinions that are beneficial, which others don’t have or yet to have. Thus, it is a pleasurable thing if we can share it.

Perfect grammar and beautifully written sentences in an interesting topic will leave me with a smile, good impression and envy too that made me say “What a good English/ Malay and what a wise and good perspective such and such can see”. A just shocking, disturbing and 99% annoying blog made me put a face that calls for slaps from family till friends, twice on each cheek. It is not just a matter of portraying our real self, or being honest, it is a matter of ethics in World Wide Web, morals and our own name. Do not take anonymity or freedom of writing as a base for us to touch or stand, for writing trash, rather choose to respect others and give yourself and those that might intentionally or unintentionally affected some respect too. It is not that we will win anything by talking back monitor to monitor towards someone or express hatred and objection. I talk based on experience and observation.

I put my blog under fine category, a continuous good mix bored stuff. In my opinion, a line between good and bored depends on the interest of the readers and writers, but a line between good and bad depends on our belief and moral.

P/s: Respect, relax and response.

On outings and Mr. Ramen

Short semester is very short, ironically there is still a plenty of time to kill. I nearly got sick with boredom. Fortunately I have cool roommates and friends to spent time with.

So far, I’ve went to Genting Highland with cutey honey, Nisa and joined Nani and her clan there. That is my first time going to a fun fair and I hope to go there again with xkuaseknah and family of course.

I’ve been to Taman Metropolitan with all my roommates but sadly on a bad time and a bad day. Insyaallah, I will go there again with proper planning. It is a beautiful place to hang out and play and have picnic.

The third outing which is an unforgettable one is me and Hanis plan of eating Korean food. Hanis and I went to KLCC with just this one mission. But the restaurant was closed! Xlaku kot. I ended up with Yoshinoya and Hanis with Western food.

Last but not least, me and Nisa, again, had some fun time together at Berjaya Times Square. We did a little shopping and lots of window shopping, cuci mata which is a must and have second round lunch or preferably call it as an early dinner; at 3.30 pm. Hahaha…panggil makan petang la…tapi yang berat punya.

We ate at Mr. Ramen and were shocked! Deadly delicious food with rich, creamy and fresh fruit juices! Nisa ordered Japanese Loh Udon which is a risk as we don’t know what the hell Loh means. I ordered a safer choice out of variety of food that is Spicy Tom Yam Seafood Ramen. Very safe choice kan? Ahahhaha…

Nisa’s food came out to be a creamy and thick Mushroom soup with lots of seafood and chicken. The amalgamation of Udon and mushroom soup is perfectly delicious. Udon absorbed the soup’s taste and still leave its original flour taste. An alien to our Malay tongue but we can adapted to it as quickly as 2 spoons. Mana x nyer, sedap yang amat kot. Mine is The Rock. Walaupun Tom Yam datang dari Thailand, orang Nepal pun pandai buat oo though tak sespicy yang I want. depa x kedekut bahan, mangkuk pun besar. Mmg kenyang la. X macam café kat sini. And the price is affordable. I have put aside some money to go there again, this time with Hanis and Huda, after I finish with final exam. I can’t wait. I want to try combo set which is Chicken Katsu Don that comes together with California Roll, Mango Pudding and Japanese Green Tea. Aahhh…sukanya!

Lots of money spent outside means little money to spend inside. Nestum and Quaker oat becomes my staple food now.

Btw, Maryam’s café has improved a lot. There is a lot of variety of food to choose, with clean and welcoming environment. The price is also cheap! Lepas ni agaknya makin berisi la budak Maryam. I love going to Maryam now. Just to inform you girls that Maryam Café won first place during Quality week. Second place is Evoke café. Evoke suddenly murah harini. Mungkin sebab dah tukar cashier kot…Alhamdulillah.

A lesson to remember

In my previous post, I said I wonder what will lose next, and the answer is my wallet.

Me seriously, lost my wallet just this late morning while chit chatting via World Wide Web with Hanis Sulaiman. Me in ITD and she was in her cozy home. I was surrounded with a lot of girls and ironically, broken computers. Based on my poor calculation and memory, I tried four times to log in using four different computers and the smart computers said that I do not put the correct password. At that moment, I really want to have a seat with good and functioning computer to know what the earth is going on with Kpop world!

I am forgetful and I was clumsy.

I jumped from one seat to another and accidently left my wallet on one of the tables. Me deadly think and even now still believe I put my wallet back in my bag! But the evidence and witness says the opposite. After my alarmed clock rang, I quickly wrote daa to Hanis and log off. I did not even once glance back. Well, this is understandable because it is not like I’m leaving my boyfriend on a jet plane. I was only alarmed on this unfortunate event a couple of minutes later while wanting to buy delicious, red and icy cold watermelon juice before run to my Arabic Class. Alhamdulillah I did not ordered it yet, if not, malu besar mak nyah…

I was shocked and after I knew what was missing from my life, I quickly walkathon from HS Café to ITD and found nothing. Not even a clue.

I was wrong.

I ask people there, I loafing around with mega movement as I always do, panicking, and hoping my wallet will come back to me. I nearly broke down. This has been two times I lost my wallet containing all my important cards. My Identity card, two Bank cards, Matric card, The Body shop Card and Dental Card. Excluding my cards, in total; I’ve lost my wallet four times. I even asked for help from my Research Methodology lecturer. Kebetulan jer jumpa. I went to Pak Guard Station and filled forms. The officer there was a very friendly man and showed his sympathized and gave advice. Rhyme. He told me to go back to where I believed my wallet has gone and also checked all female toilets around there. In some cases, wallets are found in toilet with of course no cash, just trash. Rhyme. I followed his advice as Malay says; dengar cakap orang tua. I went to the crime scene again and found a piece of evidence. A note pasted on the door.

Salam,
ATTENTION TO (my full name)
I FOUND YOUR PURSE ON MONDAY AT 10:25AM. COME & CLAIM IT FROM ME, YANA. I’M WAITING YOUR CALL.

I went there thrice, and didn’t see it… the fourth one, Allah opens my eyes and my mouth utters Alhamdulillah and I remember Him more than usual days.

I am always nasii.

I am happy. And I am sad too.

I remembered my days when I lost a hundred plus ringgit, and my Fellow said something that I disagree, then and believe now. My money which was frequently lost might be because I don’t do amal jariah and sadaqah. Sometimes, Allah took back something from us, because it is not ours from the beginning, and also to remind us as we are originally forgetful, that sadaqah is very important. It helps us as well as it helps our Muslim and non-Muslim friends. The same goes to Zakah. A portion from our a’mal mufrad mal is not ours. It is other Muslims portion.
Abah,Mak,Hanis and Yana, the girl that found my wallet, all said, “ pasni hati2” or “ jangan cuai dah”. And I happily accept their advice.

What a lesson to learn, to remember and to be grateful.
So, my answer for previous post is, I am forgetful and careless.

p/s: you girls can contact me using my old number now. (n_n) I am Happy!

Attention girls

Do not contact my mobile phone for now.
Even if you do, no one will entertain your call and message.
My mobile phone was stolen this afternoon, in my own house.
I am all heart-broken and speechless, so I'll watch more videos.
Just like TaeYeon said, people are scarier than ghost.

edit: i just realized that i lost so many things. My money during Matriculation days(RM150-200), my Identity card(twice), my purse(i was pick-pocketed at KL Central), my bank cards and now my mobile phone.

i wonder about three things right at this moment.
Am I...
1) too careless?
2) or just have bad lucks?
3) or have the tendency to meet wrong people at the wrong time?

importantly, I wonder whats next.

Nothing in particular

Oh God, tomorrow I’ll be back in UIA and this is so depressing. I love the environment there but one thing that is lack off: my mother! aigoo~ my blood pressure.

As I’ve motioned on my previous post, I’m taking Arabic 4 and Research Method class. I have classes straight from Monday til Thursday and all free on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So girls, if you want to kill your time (or help killing mine!) just stop by my room. Or let's just meet at somewhere and have fun eating and spazzing. Seriously, we have never been away more than 3 months apart and with our non-stop talking that we proud off being no use at home, we won’t be human anymore.

My lil sis and mi patar are not at home right now. She is in a competition at Kuantan representing her school. I can’t remember what competition but something to do with The Star Newspaper. Seriously, I don’t think she'll win. Hahaha...Unnie nappa~

Btw girls, have you listen to 2PM’s Hate You song? Please listen to it. I listened to it once and like fergh I fall in love. They are talented though some of the members do not have the V.O.S. but they rock their game. Each performance was like bomb especially Again and Again. I love their Intro performance and their music. I hope they will come to Malaysia! Fan meeting? Concert? I’ll rock both!

And here my girls~SNSD. I watch their performance on Chocolate and guess what? Their voice and stage attitude have improve. One of my favorite is Come on Over. They don’t have any konglish accent there and Maknae shocked me. watch it for yourself.
These girls have the body, the look, the voice and the boys. I love them especially my lovely Taeyeon and cute Maknae. Sooyoung will be an MC, Tiffany has her solo activities, YoonA busy with promoting her drama and everybody can’t stop loving them! Even ex-anti said that SNSD grow on them. Hehe~ my girls Jjang!!!



GEE won 9 times on MusicBank, a new record and that is The Power of 9.

a girl commits suicide...

That sight, it nearly popped my eyes out of its sockets. I automatically stopped breathing but just stared.

2 Days before the incident.

I woke up with my heart races with my breathing. I dream about a student commit suicide by hanging herself on the shower. It was at night, I woke up from my sleep to take a bath. While heading to the toilet, I see it with my own eye that a body was hanging directly in front of me. But I just couldn't stop walking. I even go inside the same shower! Suddenly, I said in my mind that this is not right, so I walk out of the shower and go to the last bathroom. There is very little light on that very place, so I change my mind again, and just walk out of the toilet, with my mind starts to realize what I am into. I went back to my dorm and I inform my roommates about it, we called the police and they say that they will come the next morning. And Karam Singh Walia is the Chief policeman. The end of the dream.

2 Days later.
At night, I love to open my window so tat fresh night air will cool my room temperature due to the heat from the lamp and the computer. I was watching my old videos compilation. I was all happy. I was laughing and giggling. My roommate then asks me something from her room, so, I paused the video. After finish answering her question, I wanted to resume watching the video back. But my itch full eyes wanted to enjoy the night scenery. The pitch black sky with little stars calmed me until I suddenly looked at the room of opposite block and...





A girl commits suicide!!!
that sight, it nearly popped my eyes out of its sockets. I automatically stopped breathing but just stared.
Oh my God! A girl commits suicide! I thought at first.
I quickly closed the window. I kept silent for a couple of second. My heart almost kills me. Then my roommate came to my room. I asked her if she wants to look at something, she replied "what?” i opened the window and told her where to look at and she calmly said,
"itu baju!".

A girl commits suicide! I thought at first. Damn

Fin.

(p/s): I took a couple of pictures and tried to zoom as much as my phone can. This is From 2MP WITH fEAR.

Again and again...mama tagged me vol. 2

Rules & Regulations
* Do not copy answers.
* Tag questions must be 100% same.
* Tag people before doing the tag
# I add a new rule,I don't follow the above rules.

People I Know

1. Fauzana
2. Nadiah
3. Nazurah
4. Triningsih
5. Amirah
6. Sira
7. Nana
8. Diyana
9. Hajar



-How do you know 1?
* we were in the same class during matriculation days. i still can't remember how we got close. we were both tagged by Fadz as Budak Sombong Generasi Pertama btw.

-What would you do if you never meet 2?

* I have one less friend then.

-What would you do if 3 & 4 dated?
* They both are not queer and not compatible even if one of them is a boy.

-Would 5 & 6 make a good couple?
* 100% negative and we all know why.

-Do you think 7 is attractive?
* definitely. she is talented, bubbly and smart.

-Would you date 8?
* we are not queer.

-Tell me something about 9.
* she is a Benl student like us. we knew each other since matriculation days but become closer now since me and her both are in Caklempong Club. I even borrowed her Baju Kurung for PGG's Dinner.hehe~

-What’s 1’s favourite past time?
* memuji fizikal, perangai dan suara Jaejoong.

-What language does 2 speaks?
* malay, kadang2 Urdu.

-Who is 3 going out with?
* her 2 years younger boyfriend. menyampah! haha..guro jer mama.

-How old is 4?
* 20. a year younger than me.

-When was the last time you talked to 5?
* I can't remember. all i know is last semester.

-Who is 6’s favorite singer?
* Taufik Batisyah. ini soalan budak tadika.hahahah...

-Would you date 7?
* we are not queer. somehow, this has become my line in this post eh~

-Is 8 single?
* i dont think so, hehe~ even if she is, there are at least 2 people waiting for her.

-What’s 9’s last name?
* alamak! sorry hajar,idk. but she call herself Ruby and i know why.

Mama tagged me

List these rules on your blog.

* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog.
* Tell 7 unspectacular quirks of yours.
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
* Link the person who tagged you.
* Leave a comment for each blogger.

7 facts bout me??
1. I am a Coffee and Teh Tarik maniac.
2. I am not into Hollywood, Bollywood and Malaywood.
3. I was a hot tempered person. Even my high school teachers knew about it.
4. I can't swim.
5. I was HOT during my secondary school, Cold during matriculation period and now, suam-suam.
6. I do not watch Star Wars, The Lord of The Ring, Twilight, Sex and The City, Gossip Girls etc. Rather, I watch all 3 CSIs, Without a Trace, NCIS, 555,553,551,303,701,702.
7. I have never been to an island, beaches and fun-fair. But I had gone to Gunung Jerai 3 times I guess I have been inside Gua Kelam and Gua Tengkorak (highly recommended!) and used to watch a circus alone and at night when I was 13.

7 unspectacular quirks of mine??

I. I forget information quicker than register information.
2. Suddenly, I wanted to become a Barista.
3. I always day-dreaming. Biasala, org kreatif.
4. I am very punctual and hope that people respect it. So, next time people, be on time if you are dealing with me.
5. I was tagged as Budak Sombong Generasi Pertama and Anak Orang Kaya Yang Sombong based on what others say of my first impression.
6. I am a good student
7. I am a good girl.

The person who had tagged me: Mama manja~

The fifth rules: Mama dah tagg depa dah.

I’m done with hibernating. So, prepare yourself for a long post

assalamualaikum...

Wow...it’s hard for me to believe that I'm blogging again. Why?
Because I just don’t have time and I nearly wanted to just get rid of my place in this blog kingdom!

Previous semester is the most hectic and crazy period I've ever had and I know all of you UIA soldiers agree with me. Plus, with all my self-realization and self-exploration, it sometimes and somehow hardens my day. Changes are never easy but I can say without no doubt, it is possible. I’m not saying that I've changed to a better person or friends student daughter whatsoever, but I can sensed now something in me and of course in my life that I have had neglected and worst, I didn’t even realize it! You know what? lets just move on to a new topic or something that is more clearer and more defined and that is ill be in our precious and beautiful garden of knowledge this Sunday! Yup, I’m all in short semester, pretty!

I’m having Arabic level 4 and research method this short semester and I just want to share with you that I got an A- for my Arabic level 3!!!Hahahaha...I know, I know...thank you! Hahaha...girls, seriously it is not that hard! And I’m not kidding you nor bragging. All you need to do is give (full) concentration in class and of course do whatever homework that Ustazah or Ustaz slam you with. And a lil bit of memorization. After that, this precious beautiful A shape will be on your result slip. If you have interest in it, that is even better! It is like you are in love with chocolate ganache cheese cake and you wanted to learn how to make it from an expert!

Now, it is not fair to only stresses on your strength and talk and on and on about it without a bit of your weaknesses. Because, that is life! Not everything is beautiful. Though, I get a good result for my Arabic, my pointer or CGPA is still the same. 3.2. That’s it. The same number since I was in matriculation! it is good that it does not get any lower but it is definitely 100& better if I can improve my pointer even a bit right? Rather than a flat, static CGPA. Still, I do not want to plant a new same seed of hope that I used to plant on my previous semester, rather, I want to give more time on it, more concentration so that it will start growing.

As far as I know, out of all xkuasenah citizens, only I am going to register for semester 3! wah wah wah~ lepas gian ke kak? Whatever it is, hope you enjoy your long holiday with something meaningful rather than making yourself fat and in worse case scenario, become a cult member of cyberspace. We’ve saw not once but two tragic life being taken away due to pass-visa-date on the other world, that is, cyber world. Look, listen and learn babe.

Now, welcome to my fifth paragraph. I’m in love with 2PM and so do others (mama,huda,hanis,fadz) and all I want to say is Junho is mine! Oh God, what I just typed is sooo childish I know but I just can’t help it. If not, someone will say, " eh Rina/Nyah, aku cop dia dulu eh, dia aku punya. aku minat dia dulu dari engkau." or sort of. So far, only me liking him and ironically, I wish other people like him as much as I do. That is what artist is for. To be like by all people. Whatever it is, I know that everybody is in love with 2PM and that is more than enough.

And something that I’ve been waiting to write about, and actually the biggest reason I start bloging back. I hope it is not true though it can be seen with naked eyes but...
WTH WITH PEOPLE NOWADAYS!!! aarrghhh chincha, do you really need a plastic surgery to change something that is just damn fine???!!!! Minho ya, noona ga chongmal minho chowayo, kundae, wAEgurae NO, do a surgery on your perfect nose? If you voluntarily, or force by SM or you parents told you to do one, you should have done it on your left eye! Do you get me?? LEFT EYE! Make it even!!!! ya pabo yah~
I know, we can’t turn back time, but sometimes, anger need to be released. Though it has nothing to do with me or it does not change my feelings for him, seriously, he is too young and too beautiful to have a plastic surgery.
aigooo~ minho ya, naemameul appayo...ommo!aigooo~

(HANIS, AK TENGAH TULIS BLOG AK LA NEH)

Ok... I’m done I guess...my revelation from God was interrupted with ammunishd saying
: hoi makcik!
: update la blog ko tuh!
: bersarang dh aku tengok

keh pun reply
: tengah tulis
: panjang nih
: sabo la nek
: anyak benda nak cakap nih
: hahahaha

oh one more thing
so long, Grissom.

oh sedihnya hatiku...
Minho ngan Grissom ni sama jer! melukai hatiku~ aigooo~ my blood pressure.

2MP's taste

what can we do with a 2MP mobile phone?
take pictures of course. what else.
and that is what i do.

my header is the pic i took a couple months ago. location, in my room of course. and yes, that is the place where i sit down studying, eating, watching vids, day dreaming, and sometimes sleep(skodeng too). this pic definitely or may be put under beginners section but who cares. i love what i see and saw. sometimes.

and why do i change my header?
Because Nana changed hers. and I'm sooo jealous. ilmu adobe amat sukar utk dimaster!
and watching the same light is boring too.
heheheh...

till my next post, update yours.



smile people, smile.
laugh together, laugh.

Pantomime

my sister who is an ex-Benl student currently pursuing her B.A in UM under Education. after leaving all those hectic lifestyle that we are now face, she got really stressed and engrossed in finishing her assignment. I'm not sure what course she is in, i guess pre-school development? argh, who cares. the reason why I'm writing a post about her is that, she have to do a group work on an activity for the kids in pre-school and her group chose to do pantomime. shadow pantomime to be exact. she have a role to play,aborigine woman. nice. muahahaha...well basically, she showed me a vid of shadow pantomime and i immediately fall in love with it. it is sooooooooo cute. and funny and something new for me as i have stick my eyes only to Korean stuff lately. shadow pantomime needs definitely a lot of hard work, accuracy and creativity though the length of performing it is only a couple of minutes. here is the vid that my sister showed me and seriously, i just love them! especially the duck part. reminds me of Junsu and also the man running after the bus! aigoo...what an art. this vid really makes my day.

Mak Jah! nak soto satu!

kenapa atip tulis pasal soto mak jah di blognya?
because they worth it.
ferh...sampai camtu skali.

before that, my Islamic Ethics class is cancalled and i took this oppurtunity to blog after such a long time of dissapearance; rather than continue my sleep which has been fatally abuse lately. thanks to three midterms in a week plus a presentation and hafazan.
just to inform, i have another 4 paper works to do which i dont even start yet and 3 presentations to come. tapi basically everyone ada timbunan kerja kan. btw, first time nih blogging from ITD UIA. hahaha...bangga tau.

back to our theatre "Alahai..Mak Jah" performed by Nusantara Club.
its worth it. and i said it twice. you guys recieved my big round of applause that night.
Mak Jah made me have a very good time there together with my dear friends mimi, istiqamah, trining and etc. (Dian, jgn sedih ye ko dlm etc..ak nak cepat.tapi xpe, ak rasa ko x tau kewujudan blog ku). all the actors and actresses act their character very well. they have a very good voice projection, smooth plot and we can see their hardwork on making the play a success (de scandale? oh assignment! kepada yang tidak memahami, teruskan jer membaca. jgn dilayan sngt drama budak ni). the only problem that i noticed and i believed all the audience can detect (unless you have very serious hearing problem) is the sound system. kenapa lah dipasang lagu pada masa yang tidak sesuai dan terpasang (kot) and tiada kepelbagaian dalam memilih lagu. tapi kalau disengajakan takpela tapi kalau tak it is understandable, as

to err is human..
to love divine..ferh.

p/s: my blog wont be as active as it used to be. im hibernating.

the ambiguous darkness : night or morning?

its 2.28 a.m now but i cant sleep.


i want to; i need to but i cant.
it is scary and you know it, for not being able to sleep when your mind and body beg for rest.
just like when you see or hear something, which you shouldn't,
just like when you know there is something watching you, but there is absolutely no other man,
while you lying on your bed, - as an escapism,
you pretend you are sleeping.
close your eyes tightly,
till you only see darkness with thousands of little red dot, and thousands of disturbing colours,
but still manage to see and even staring at the emptiness, a blackish savior.

you heard a voice, child's voice singing,

1,2,3,
dia pura-pura,
dia tutup mata,
nak tipu kita,
kakak...
tekala sapa saya!!!

wth, terpesong dari niat la pulak. maaf.

Budak Ben Yang Tak Bertamadun???

a very short-short story. i really mean it. this is an old issue but it will never go away as long as there is a course called BENL in IIUM or as long as there are some sickening set of mentality in students of IIUM.(including lecturers!)

This happened last week on Thursday around 8 p.m. I was walking from my block to Asma' cafe to have a dinner with Fadz. then, i saw three girls were clearing up all those jumbo sale fliers from the walkway. as i was heading towards them,i heard...

"...menyampah betul. Hidup dengan budak Ben yang tak bertamadun..."

i was like dead near her face when she said the last sentence of her wise talk. we made eye contact or maybe face contact? what the hell is that? or maybe i should say we exchange our look? sounds weird?which one eh? aish...well, never mind. As usual, i gave her my genuine/original look. you know which, the one with no emotions at all.just looking into her eyes.(she was looking straight on my face too btw) if i were a man, she will stalked me.muahahaha...bad joke atip. as i took few steps from those circle of fitnah, they suddenly stop talking. the silence really surprised me. then i heard whispers.her other friend, a shorter one said something. i tried to detect what she uttered about but i cant. my ears are not as good as my 360 L + 250 R eyes. when i was about 5-6 metres away from them, without a warning, i heard a big explosion of laughter.

They knew that i am a Ben student.I guess.

fin.

very short indeed. Ben = uncivilized. that is a very simple yet stupid belief girls. come on, how old are you girl? i don't know which ben student you are talking about but hey, don't bring me down! do not include me (and others) in your hatred towards someone else. i wonder what made you labelled that Ben student as tak bertamadun? did she partying all night? she drinks alcohol maybe? she slept with her bestfriends's boyfriend? or did she crack? if she does, that is not uncivilized. that is a kind of lifestyle that is deviant from Islamic teaching which the westerners keep on promoting,unintentionally if some of you want me to add that. pfitt, who will believe that.
i don't know what makes you hate her but judging people is not your job. if you really cant control yourself from hating her, fine then, keep it in your heart or write it in your dairy.

it is a fact that i (we?) judged people too (see,see.past tense eh). i said bad things that i regret now and i change that bad habit or still in the process of trying to change it. its not easy, but it is not impossible.

the mind set that people have towards Ben student is not something new. since my sis days, we already have this air. not only students, some lecturers too. saying that we are murtad for studying the kaffirun language. this topic sometimes is very stupid for people to discuss but it is very absorbing and disturbing to let go. it never fails to makes me wonder.

Smile again

salam everyone...

now, this is my first post in 2009 eh. so many things happened lately, good things of course. mama marina have her own blog, i moved in to Hafsa, i have new friends as well as met my old ones, keep in touch with my high school girlfriends, i have new hobbies, reading and talking and walking; fast. the only sad thing that i have to face for now is i cant buy books that i want as one book cost more than RM30 and that 30 ringgit can supply me food for 4, 5 days. aish. money2.

as for Hafsa, i now can call my compartment as my room! though hafsa's room is smaller than Maryam's but for me, the room really cries privacy and comfort. i just love it. before i forget, i reaaaaaly appreciate those who helped me with my thingsssssssss and those lovely princess are Bella, Mimi, Fadz, Adib, Hanis, Huda, Fae and Nad! TQ VERY MUCH. God, i never realize that i have a lot of stuff till i packed them. excluding boxes of my PC, I have 2 really big bags for my cloths and books, and more than 3 storage boxes with 3 smaller bags. for my PC, theres 5 boxes. so, no wonder eh why theres 8 people helping me to moved out. ^_^

as for my new roommates, they are just lovely and friendly. they talked to me first which i really hoped and appreciate for as I'm not a first person to open my mouth to strangers, even classmates. i cant handle it, for me its too embarrassing. its weird but I'm just shy.its just awkward and weird and idk. if i have white skin, they will turn pale or red. thanks god I'm not. the second day me stayed there, they invited me to have breakfast with them, in Ainul's room. we chatted like we've already know each other. talking.laughing.smiling.eating.drinking.good.

so, for this semester, i took Arabic class, 3 irk subjects, presentation skills and novel class. so far its been good but i need to give more concentration or priority to Arabic. its been almost 2 years i don't open my Arabic textbook. and now, only a quarter remain in my brains. i really need to master back my superpower called recall. I'm in a regret land for deleting almost all my Arabic in my knowledge files that i learned in matriculation. now, i need to scratch from beginning. but, there wont be too much a problem as my new roommates are all good in Arabic's. Ainul is TASL student while Is and Sumayyah are IRK students. really grateful for that.chincha,chincha.

and just as i thought everything went smooth, suddenly theres a news that change my life. no water supply in UIA. as i live in fifth floor, the highest of them -mahallah- all, the water cant reached to my floor. losing their game to gravity. not knowing that other level in the same building with me still have this precious crystal, i went to Maryam,walked, with sweat on my face, with sun being over excited, as nature called me. but, seriously, i don't really feel troubled. i don't have problems with not being able to take a bath or wudhu' or used the toilet. Alhamdulillah.

simply put, life is getting fabulous than ever. i learn what is freedom on a higher level, what it is to stand alone and proud of it, what it is to be a lone ranger and what it is to be a part of others life. me now, walking with hands swaying front-back, back-front freely, not bothered by small yet lots of sands of regret as i now finally noticed the winds of happiness, caress my body, drying my sweat. I'm in love of myself. I'm happy and i cant stop smiling.

oh sarang, sarang ohhhh.....

Nana tag Atip lagi...^_^

- Have you ever dreamt of dating younger guy?

yes. btw, i have no restriction when it comes to age.

- How is it different to date yunhanam rather than older/same age guy?

i dont know. never have the experience.

- If you're chosen to be the noona in Yunhanam, what type of activity you'd like to do with the boys?

go to their practice rooms so that i can learn their dance moves and go to fun-fair. i have never been there. it must be really fun to play around with them.

- Will you choose your yunhanam based on their performance/attitude during the date and activity or you'll simply choose your favourite Shinee member from the beginning? why?
again, im not sure. i guess i stick with Minho. i cant watch em vids without looking at anyone else but him. the first time i see him, i know i like him. that is the extent of me fan boying him.

- Would you rather have 1-1 date or 5-1 date with the boys? why?

im quite greedy, so all of 'em.fosho.

- Is there any of the boys that meet your "prince charming" figure? who and why?
Choi Minho. he have the aura of prince charming. plus, he is the Charima Minho rite? hahahaha

- How will you tell them the result? (e.g: giving rose like the 1st noona, giving lifejacket like the 3rd noona, etc)

i'll hold his hand. smile to him and tell him that i want to know more about him. then quickly take him away. hahahaha...hey, im noona. and im hell full with charisma too...muahahaha

- What song do you want Shinee/your yunhanam sing in front of you? (apart of Noona Neomu Yeppo! haha..I know everyone wants them to sing this song for us!)

rainbow by Tohoshinki.

-Anda mula blogging sejak?
2008.

-Apakah / Siapakah yang mendorong anda untuk mempunyai blog sendiri?
x.k.u.a.s.e.k.n.a.h and myself.

-Nama blog anda?
lovely light

-Mengapa anda memilih nama tersebut?
that is the first thing that comes to my mind when i see the picture on my blog.

-Adakah anda mempunyai ramai rakan blogger?
no.

-Adakah anda benar-benar mengenali mereka, atau sekadar rakan alam maya?
i know them.

-Berikan 5 blog yang menyenaraikan anda sebagai rakan, dan apakah nama yang digunakan mereka untuk link ke blog anda? Adakah mereka menggunakan nama yang sama, atau berlainan?

huda: Atip
hanis : Atip (Awatif)
mimi : Awatif Azizan
nana : Atip-san
mama : Atip Charisma

~i love my name and my nickname. so simple i could die~

Sila tag 5 rakan anda yang lain.
sila layan diri.

p/s: nape separuh soalan Melayu and the other half English?hahahaha....