First and foremost, I would like to apologize for my long absence from this blog. I’ve not updated since the start of the first semester, only if you realize of course. Things has been really busy for me (and for you guys too I believe)and for me, rather than spending my free time updating my blog, I'd rather fill it with activities that allow me to mature, socialize and experience lots of thing physically with my friends. As some of you know or maybe you don't, xkuaseknah is dead. Literally for the blog and technically for its people.
I never thought that I will post this, but things need to be said and undone things need to be done.
and I am trying very hard thinking on how to say things subtly, as using a very intimidate kind of approaching towards reader and curses are not my style, yet at the same time project what I have been wanting to say.
Everybody change. As simple as that. But there are some who didn't. These two sentences contrast which each other I know. But that is the reality. Everything is not objective especially when we are dealing with human. A good friend that you created bond with might not stay with you all along the way. Like me. I am no longer as close to you, Hanis, Huda, Fae and Mimi, even though we rocked classes together.
I know and you girls knew it too that we are falling apart. Why? Well, the answer lies on the moment that we treat and think and see small things that used to be normal, and okay turned to be the greatest annoyance of all. A joke that created explosive laughter between us suddenly no longer funny. It unexpectedly becomes the seed of hateful.
Sticking close to each other is good. But it is a disaster when a person or more gives black energy to the rest. And it is also a bad culture when we still stuck up with the same thing all over again, for the past 2 years. The same old jokes, the same old problems and the same old thinking and the same old friends.
We all know about the "silent war" or "cold war" or whatever between you peeps. You guys have met up, talked about it, told your true feelings and cried. But seriously, no matter how much you pees being honest on that night, no matter how many liter of tears you let go, the pain still remain in your heart. Things will never be the same again. I am not being pessimistic here but being realistic.
Girls, things will never be the same again. it is too strange to act nothing happen. Because the passion went numb.
Once you were betrayed or treated bad, trust collapsed. And to build it back like the way it was before is complete impossible.
I chose to change mahallah. Honestly writing, I ran and you guys knew it too. I ran away from the person that I sometimes feel close with and sometimes hate. And definitely uncomfortable in most of the time. I ran away from our routine. I ran away from problems that I foresee. And I ran away because I want too. I need a change. Mentally and environmentally. I made the first step, and I never looked back. I am proud for what I chose and I am grateful. It was and still a wise decision. I am happy and I am no longer as moody and hot-tempered as I used to be. I am still as sensitive as before, but my sensitivity now I believe is well control. and importantly I stop straining my brain on questions like" what did I do wrong?” this question that i had, that i created, now i have the answer. And of course I came up with it. The answer is very simple. I didn't do anything wrong.
Is that true? Well, it is true for me. My ground is that I believe in myself. I seriously know me wont and never being able to treat people badly, intentionally. As all my bad that ye may see in me are complete ignorance and definitely unintentionally.
If you find my answer and reasoning is wrong, just leave it because I am a “bird” and i am busy flying and singing and I just don’t care.